Some days ago I met my colleague, with whom
I met last time more than three years ago. We had a business meeting together
and then after it was finished she came to me asking to talk privately.
She
said: “Elena, I have a very personal question to you.. Hope you can share
answer with me.
What are you doing in your life that today you look much better
than three years ago?..”
For the first second I was shocked, catching myself on
thoughts like: OMG, was it really soooo
bad three years ago??”. Than the answer started knocking from the very bottom
of my heart and I stopped for a while before I spoke it loud. I looked in her
eyes and said: “you know… I can not advice it to everyone, but I got divorced
three years ago..” She looked back at me smiling, commenting that she already
tried this recipe, which gave me more insight to share my feelings with her.
“Since that moment I promised myself to learn how to be happy by myself, how to
love myself truly from within and how not to depend my happiness on men..” And
looking back on all my steps towards my happiness for last years I can admit
that I absolutely 100% grateful for that experience and my ex-husband for
pushing me to learn that spiritual and life lessons of transformation. They
could seem quite tough, but they all helps to go out from victim consciousness
and take full responsibility for out lives. And this is only way toward true
happiness.
Lesson 1. Whatever happens, has a reason,
even if we don’t see it
Nothing happens without reason. Tree can
not grow in a one night. There is long process from seed to branches. If
partnership breaks in a one night and one day he or she leaves you, it is an
effect of something happened long time ago. And this is your responsibility if
you have not noticed it. I prefer to live in illusion that my marriage was
good. I preferred to close eyes on all betrays which happened from both sides,
all lie which was around us, all distance that became bigger and bigger. I
preferred to live in that illusion
rather than feel pain of disappointment, unfulfilled expectations and fear of
future. Looking back now I see all signs
that marriage was not fine and we had problems, and I see all my responsibility
in that. And if you see in your garden bananas instead of apple, it can happen
only if you planted banana seeds. If we
look at result of our life or relationships we have now, we can reflect and
understand what seeds did we plant sometime ago. And if we don’t like result,
the best option is to think through and find out what negative seeds you have
planted and find the way to plant new one. Its easy to go in to fault mood
while doing that, that is why I have next lesson for you.
Lesson 2. Thee is always responsibility of
both partners, but fault of no one
There is no such thing as fault in broken
relationships. Looking from spiritual point of view, nothing happens without
agreement of your soul for that. I truly believe, that our soul planned all
lessons it wanted to learn in this life time and planed all experience we have
to go through in order to achieve it. And we carefully chose people who will
help us. Just when we are born as a
human beings, we don’t remember it. I
know that one of my life lessons is to set healthy boundaries, and my
ex-partner did everything to create best circumstances for me to learn it. And
you have to know that we learn best and most not when everything is comfortable
for us, but when we are going through tough times and leave our comfort zone.
So only then you can really start acting differently, in a new way and finally
to built new life habit.
Lesson 3. Most important one…
If you decided to start relationship, the
best way to show and experience love is by actions of acceptance
and sharing. The most common mistake we do in relationship – we jump
into them, charmed by our partner or winged by feelings we experience near that
person. And as famous proverb saying “love is blind”, after some time we start
noticing some imperfections and things which are bothering or irritating us. And
it doesn’t mean they have not exist before, it only means we were so busy with
our excitement that didn’t really pay enough attention to real another person.
And what happens after? We are trying to change him. “Please do that.. Don’t do
that.. I Feel bad when you are… Your habits are irritating me.. etc”. But we
are not in this world to change another person. We are here to transform
ourselves! And as I mentioned in lesson 2, other people and especially our
partners, are our best teachers! So my main lesson about relationship is: My
partner is my reflection. He was sent to me by Universe to help me to learn and
to change. So all I don’t like – is a sign for me what to change in myself to
become better, and all what I love about him – is a sign of my hidden talents. Isn’t it a miracle? To look
into eyes of other person and see yourself. Simple. Impactful. Challenging. But
only one way…
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