Monday, June 16, 2014

What I learnt from my divorce...

Some days ago I met my colleague, with whom I met last time more than three years ago. We had a business meeting together and then after it was finished she came to me asking to talk privately. 

She said: “Elena, I have a very personal question to you.. Hope you can share answer with me. 

What are you doing in your life that today you look much better than three years ago?..” 

For the first second I was shocked, catching myself on thoughts like: OMG,  was it really soooo bad three years ago??”. Than the answer started knocking from the very bottom of my heart and I stopped for a while before I spoke it loud. I looked in her eyes and said: “you know… I can not advice it to everyone, but I got divorced three years ago..” She looked back at me smiling, commenting that she already tried this recipe, which gave me more insight to share my feelings with her. “Since that moment I promised myself to learn how to be happy by myself, how to love myself truly from within and how not to depend my happiness on men..” And looking back on all my steps towards my happiness for last years I can admit that I absolutely 100% grateful for that experience and my ex-husband for pushing me to learn that spiritual and life lessons of transformation. They could seem quite tough, but they all helps to go out from victim consciousness and take full responsibility for out lives. And this is only way toward true happiness.

Lesson 1. Whatever happens, has a reason, even if we don’t see it

Nothing happens without reason. Tree can not grow in a one night. There is long process from seed to branches. If partnership breaks in a one night and one day he or she leaves you, it is an effect of something happened long time ago. And this is your responsibility if you have not noticed it. I prefer to live in illusion that my marriage was good. I preferred to close eyes on all betrays which happened from both sides, all lie which was around us, all distance that became bigger and bigger. I preferred  to live in that illusion rather than feel pain of disappointment, unfulfilled expectations and fear of future. Looking back now I see all  signs that marriage was not fine and we had problems, and I see all my responsibility in that. And if you see in your garden bananas instead of apple, it can happen only if you planted banana seeds.  If we look at result of our life or relationships we have now, we can reflect and understand what seeds did we plant sometime ago. And if we don’t like result, the best option is to think through and find out what negative seeds you have planted and find the way to plant new one. Its easy to go in to fault mood while doing that, that is why I have next lesson for you.

Lesson 2. Thee is always responsibility of both partners, but fault of no one
There is no such thing as fault in broken relationships. Looking from spiritual point of view, nothing happens without agreement of your soul for that. I truly believe, that our soul planned all lessons it wanted to learn in this life time and planed all experience we have to go through in order to achieve it. And we carefully chose people who will help us. Just when we are born  as a human beings, we  don’t remember it. I know that one of my life lessons is to set healthy boundaries, and my ex-partner did everything to create best circumstances for me to learn it. And you have to know that we learn best and most not when everything is comfortable for us, but when we are going through tough times and leave our comfort zone. So only then you can really start acting differently, in a new way and finally to built new life habit.

Lesson 3. Most important one…

If you decided to start relationship, the best way to show and experience love is by actions of  acceptance  and sharing. The most common mistake we do in relationship – we jump into them, charmed by our partner or winged by feelings we experience near that person. And as famous proverb saying “love is blind”, after some time we start noticing some imperfections and things which are bothering or irritating us. And it doesn’t mean they have not exist before, it only means we were so busy with our excitement that didn’t really pay enough attention to real another person. And what happens after? We are trying to change him. “Please do that.. Don’t do that.. I Feel bad when you are… Your habits are irritating me.. etc”. But we are not in this world to change another person. We are here to transform ourselves! And as I mentioned in lesson 2, other people and especially our partners, are our best teachers! So my main lesson about relationship is: My partner is my reflection. He was sent to me by Universe to help me to learn and to change. So all I don’t like – is a sign for me what to change in myself to become better, and all what I love about him – is a sign of my  hidden talents. Isn’t it a miracle? To look into eyes of other person and see yourself. Simple. Impactful. Challenging. But only one way…

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