Monday, October 4, 2010

Positive value of the negative feelings...


Say "YES" to the LIFE!
“I should not feel angry!” (..guilty, offended, sad, lonely and etc.) 
Very often I hear this words from my clients – they stop feeling some feelings, because they consider them as negative. 
We prefer to use positive feelings – like happiness, joy, love, excitement. And we often block negative feelings within us.
But who decided what feelings are positive and what are negative? Do we have an official list of feelings we should feel and  forbidden emotions”? Its only in our minds!
Lets look closely at different feelings and see what negative can positive emotions bring us and what value for us have negative emotions.  
 I will give you some examples and if you wish you can you’re your own  “research” about it.   The most ideas I list below came from participants of my “Emotional Intelligence” course all over the world. And I completely agree with all of them. 

Negative Effect of Positive Emotions
If you feel independent you can start being self-centered and finally you will stay alone .
If you feel optimistic – you can lose some potential danger moments and you will lose your critical mind.
If you feel  relaxed than  finally you can become lazy.
Confidence can bring you to stop of self development and closed mind set.
Excitement  can take all your energy and you will fill empty at the end.  
Positive Value of Negative Emotions
Sadness – tell us that we lost something important for us and gives us information about our values.
Anger – huge source of energy. If we let this energy go out – we can do a lot of things.
Envy – shows our motivators and can motivate us for development and actions.
Loneliness – gives us time to rest and be with ourselves.
Fear – make us become careful and shows potential danger.
Hopeless – gives us sign that we need help and support and if we ask we can have it.
Guilt – tells us that we did something that is not according to our values and principles. And we can correct our actions.  
You can see that there is always two sides of each emotion – the question is how you use your emotions to help you.
One of the definitions of Emotional Intelligence is that its learned ability to think constructively.  Its skill to use information and resources which emotions give you for your success.
Every emotion is a source of resources for you – and if you block it, if you don’t allow yourself to feel it – you ?? yourself of it. And if you ask yourself – what this emotion tells me? What information about my needs it gives me? What I need to do? – answers will lead you to constructive actions which satisfy your needs.
The word EMOTIONS goes from E-MOTION. “Energy to MOVE.”  Emotion keeps a lot of energy for actions and you should find the answer for what exact action you have this energy.
If you just feel worry – you can block this feeling, stop yourself and finally have headache or stomach pain (because all our blocked emotions finally find place and tension in our body). Or you can choose something else – you can ask yourself:  what worries me? What should I do differently not to worry? What I do wrong? – and answers will help you to find peace within you and act accordingly to your needs.
Task to develop EI skills: next time you feel strong emotion – ask yourself: What it tells me? What action should I do? What need do I have to be satisfied? And as soon as you have answer, Just Act!

5 comments:

  1. I like it! Yin and Yang both energies are important in our life, the key is to keep the balance. kisses, Suzana Mendes

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  2. Hi Elena,
    This is a great article. I like the way of looking at and feeling emotions that way. All emotions are important to feel when we feel them. No emotions are negative, they're just perceived negative by us because they make us fees uncomfortable. But at that moment they're telling us something about ourselves.
    They are our compass of life!
    Very nice!
    Eva-Maria

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  3. Thanks for the inspiration, Elena.

    /Virginie Delporte

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  4. Dear Elena... Thanks for sharing the blog! I will definetely follow :) Gozde Berber

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  5. This is good... I have attended several seminars on the topic but only after reading this article I understand what emotional intelligence is... Thanks, Elena :)

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