What you should know about your parents...

Have you ever thought why parent-children issues areso popular in psychological theories? 

Or why we often marry partners who are similar by character (and sometimes even by appearance) to our parents? 

No less, is it popular in theories as it is more popular in cabinets of psychoanalytic and in friend-to-friend conversations. 

There are some explanations as to why this is so. For example, our parents are the first people we are in contact with in our life, that is why they are important. It’s true, as practical psychologists with more than 15 years of experience  can confirm that most  of our behavioral, mental and emotional habits we develop in early childhood come from the strong influence of our parental environment. But it can’t be the final core explanation, because we can still question- why then are these particular people are our parents?

From a spiritual point of view, nothing is accidental in our life. Everything that happens with us is the perfect plan that our soul made before we were born in our body in this lifetime. And this plan has as a main purpose and many lessons, which we have to learn.  These lessons always lead to a main goal- to make our soul overcome negative traits and become better. Much of the research about reincarnation confirm this and we can consider it as a very high possibility. So taking that into account, we can see that we choose before we are born into this life, who our parents will be and in which family and circumstances we will come to experience.

But again, how do we choose them? Will they be the best and most comfortable people for us? Will they be someone who will give us the most support?? What are the criteria? It’s all about our "individual developmental plan" - they are people (actually souls) who can help us learn our main lessons. They are the ones who will best trigger our fears, negative reactions, who will be the best players in our game of life and who will be the best creators for our spiritual environment. It’s all about making your life purposeful and meaningful from a spiritual point of view. 

For example, if your main life lesson is to set clear boundaries, you most probably will have parents who treat you with some level of abuse, push you towards their interests, not supporting yours, always telling you what to do and what to wear, and etc. So it’s all for letting us to take this challenge in early childhood, set boundaries, learn lesson, to go in our spiritual development one step up and become better. But what happens in most of the cases? First, when we are born we don't remember what we planned (this is actually the funniest moment in this quest of life), so we start either allowing them to break our boundaries, or we start blaming or complaining (very often it lasts till late adulthood), and then as soon as we have a chance to run away from them into marriage, we do it! And, voila, we have season two in our movie- our partner is treating us the same way! 

Why? Because our soul thought in advance and created plan B for the case if we don't learn the lessons with our parents and asked another soul or potential partner to come and take over this duty and continue our work.

So if we learn it with our partner,we get a bonus! Happy family life and one more exam passed in our list of marks:) if not? We go to a new marriage and another (and actually some people have more than 5 trials :), or we even attract a boss with the same style, or a best friend who is treating us this way orour kids somehow start repeating our parent’s pattern. And the longer we keep our self from changing ourselves, the more people around us start reminding us about this initial lesson.

So, what can we do?

1. Ask yourself, what are the most important challenges in communication with my parents now or were in childhood? What was the most difficult for me to do? What was bothering me the most in their behavior? Identify what they pushed you to learn? What could you do differently to change it?

2. Reflect on your relationships with people around you. Do u see the same pattern? What if you try now that new behavior? Will it change the situation? Is there any chance that these challenging people are souls who are reminding you about a lesson and helping you  learn it?

3. If you practice meditation, you can do a simple but very useful one. Close your eyes, breathe deeply preparing yourself for meditation and imagine yourself in front of your parents. Look at them, into their eyes, smile at them and ask respectfully: "Dear father, what was the lesson you tried to teach me?" and  listen for the answer. "Dear mother, what was the lesson your soul tried to teach me?" and listen to the answer. Whatever appears in your mind, listen to it. You can reflect on that and analyze it later on. Then after you heard what they told you or what appeared in your mind, look at them with the smile, bow with respect and gratitude and say Thank you.

This practice helped a lot of my clients to see their relationship with their parents and identify life lessons. You can practice it several times and just meet them in your mind with bow, smile and gratitude can help you grow spiritually, because by accepting their role in your spiritual growth you can see the big picture of your life and become aware of your life lessons.

What motorbike trip can teach us about relationship…?

The real learning experience can meet us wherever we want, in any situation of our life, especially if we are dare to learn something new… Especially absolutely new experience… More especially, extreme experience…

So, what u can take as lessons from 8 hours motorbike trip around mountains,  if u first time ever do that, going over terrible fears, doubts and without any idea where u heading

"Driving the bike is always a risk. Relations is even a bigger risk. You have a choice to wait in the line or to go faster. Bike is responsibility. Relations is even bigger responsibility .Only pilot provides the safety and without trust no one could get a pleasure from journey."

1. TRUST DOESN’T APPEAR BY ITSELF. It requires risk. It comes with experience, with sharing fears, with getting support…. It comes when u see that your fears were heard, and  other person don’t reach a point (literally the speed limit), where u feel scary and unsafe. U cant trust from the first moment you dive in relationships (literally jump on motorbike). U can only take a risk and see what happens.

2. ONLY U CAN DO IS TO DO YOUR BEST. Once u on a motorbike, only u can do – is to support drive to do his best for both of u. Don’t u ever had experience in your relationship, when u are “on bike”, trying to change drivers style, making him go faster or slowly, disturbing him by stupid talks or sudden movements? Have u ever notice how often we try to change another person instead of concentrating on what we can do as our best in order to help us safely and joyfully reach destination? Once u are on a bike, do your best to make that journey unforgettable.

3.  IT’S A JOURNEY, NOT DESTINATION has sense. Of course u can have some roadmap and ideas about final destination, but if you concentrate only on it (to grow kids till mature age or to build house), u will loose all miracles on the way. U will loose momentum of shared experience… At the end, joy from reaching destination can last 10-15 minutes, while journey takes hours and the rest of your life…

January is month of Abundance :)

 Cultivate an attitude of generosity and act as though there is plenty for you and for everyone, everywhere. Give freely and generously.

One of the biggest fears held within humanity is the fear of loss. This may be of a job, partner, image, youth, life style or death of the body. But, fear can also be healthy and serve us as it calls our attention to gratefulness and reminds us to take steps to care for what we have been given.

Holding tightly to what scares us produces heartquakes and moves us out of the universal flow causing us to live in 'scare-city'. The energy of wanting; things a certain way, circumstances to change, feelings to be different - is an ineffective approach because we can only want things to change according to what we think we know.

The essence of abundance is rooted in dynamic openness and wonderment that infuses our desires with the optimizing force of Being.

Holding fast to particular identities and predetermined decisions fuels our conditioned selves and habitual behaviors. As a result, we can't experience wonder or abundance. We can only at best feel sameness.

Wonderment arises when we open to something that is new, fresh, and mystical, completely letting go of all we know in that moment. This experience is exhilarating, prosperous, and freeing; inwardly turning us towards a sense of fulfilment. It offers a grander, more expansive vision of reality and relieves the restraints to generously offering ourselves allowing us to give to everyone, everywhere.

We hope the Angels continue to inspire your life. May you be filled with wonder and abundance and offer it freely.

ANGEL® Cards

YOUR 2012 ABUNDANCE PLAN!

Have u ever thought about what Abundance is? We have a ot of different definitions and explanations of it and all of them are true becouse they serve us and support our view of the world. But in the same time they create our reality. It happens becouse of the following phenomen: what we think, what our thoughts are and what we choose as our believes – all that ctreates what we really have as manifistation of our life.

I want to share with u my believes about Abundance.

Abundance is just simply a little bit more than u need…. Not MUCH MORE… We all have some needs – not desires, not dreams, but literally – needs… And when u have enough than u need you have Abundance in your life.

Its not easy to change our point of view at Abundance as about that exist somewhere but not with us. But when we think about it like that – we cut Abundance from our life, because we simply say – we don’t have Abundance. And.. we don’t have it. We don’t feel as if we have it and we live with the defective mindset.

Often it happens because we see Abundance as something monetary, but its not only this. We can have Abundance in love, joy, energy, beauty, friends, creativity and so on!

Abundance is coming with our ability to share. As soon as you share u feel Abundance and when u feel it – u get it! Remember – our reality is our movie. Its something  we first create in our minds, after – in our hearts and only after – in our external world.

But first of all we create it in our Souls. We set it as our life lessons sometimes – to learn how to share. Not wait till “when we have enough”, but to start sharing now!  Again – sharing joy, love, creativity, ideas, money, things, feeling – everything that we have just a little bit more than just for our needs.

THE MAGIC OF ABUNDANCE is that the more u share the more you get back. And as far as Abundance is not only about money, the more you share something the more you get back another something, because the energy of Abundance comes in your life and make your energy level vibrate on another waves.

In the New Year Eve I want to make you a gift to let energy of Abundance come to your life.

Print out attached graph and take 15 min of your time for reflection about areas of Abundance in your life. What brings you more of something and what takes Abundance from other areas of your life? You have now chance to plan and program your Abundance for 2012!

Specially, if you think about 2012 as the year of huge changes in the World and as some sources even call it THE YEAR OF LOVE – think about non monetary areas of your existing Abundance which u can use to start the circle of your  Abundance in the areas where u need it more.

So, YOUR 2012 ABUNDANCE Action Plan is:

1.     Print graph

2.     Reflect about questions on it:  think about each area of your life marked in a graph and answer questions about it. You also can choose area where u want to increase your Abundance and fill in empty box.

3.      Write answers on the graph

AND!  If you want to use the magic of New Year to manifest your Abundance Action Plan I would be happy to help you.

Sign to my blog as a Follower or Write in a comments box to this post your name and I will include your Abundance Plan in my special session, focusing on sending positive energy to manifest our plans (it will take place on 31th of January at 5 pm GMT).

Wish you HAPPY NEW YEAR and let ABUNDANCE fulfill your life!

Six Seconds Model

EQ in relationship!

How to know more about yourself through your team?

Today I want to share with you interesting phenomen and technique in the same time. Probably you have heard once that "what you dont like in others - its a part of yourself".

It sounds strange, but its true. And often when we have some conflicts within a team, we tend to fight and dont even think about possibility to use it as a learning experience for ourselves and learn more about it.

so, how we can use our team or group of people with whom we work together as a source of information about our personality?

Remember, that every member of the team represents different part of your personality. And as you have different kind of relations with different member of the team - the same relations you have with your internal personal parts.

For example, we have a team with 4 members (all names and characteristics are not real, but possible to be in real life):

Ann - very femine and quite person with sense of self-esteem and wiithout leadership ambitions. Ready to follow the team and leaders.
Peter  - strong guy with autocratic style of communication and leadership.
Mary - Very ambitious about leadership, with tendency to lead impulsively, never follows others.
John - a little bit lazy with lack of sens of responsibility, but with fantastic communication and negotiation skills.

So if we look at the group dynamic we can see that Mary and Peter probably will not like John and Mary probably will be irritated by Ann's quitenes.

It can happen becouse Mary exlude and dont accept her part od personality which is quite and ready to follow, and other part which is sometimes aacts unresponsible.

Sometimes we can think that we have  difficulties with people who like we - we start compete, but actually we have difficulties with those who represents some parts of our personality which we dont accept in ourselves.

Last time when I was working in the team with almost 10 people, I did interesting activity for myself. And I want to share this technique with you as a tool for self-assessment.It requres awareness and honesty for you, but it gives you back a lot of intersting insights.

Task:
1. Write down the names of 4 people with whom you have good relations.
2. Write down the names of 4 people with whome you have difficulties or conflicts in communication.
3. For each of 8 person write down 3 characteristics which best describes this person.
4. Look and reflect on the answers about which parts of your personality each person represents.
5. Send me your comments and feedback about it :)))

We as a drop in the sea - have within ourselves ALL variety of personal characteristics. Some of them we accept and aware about, others we try to exclude.

The more we accept - the more flexibility we have in our behaivoir and the better relations we have with the members in our teams!

I will be there!!!

http://www.icei2011.org/index.htm

Emotional literacy for trainers!

On 5^th of February I launched my first version of new program: “Emotional literacy for trainers”.  During  two and half years in such countries as Russia, Turkey, Tunis, Ukraine, Belgium, Mongolia, Finland and Catalunya I have een conducting the course “Emotional Intelligence – how to open and develop it within yourself” for leaders, managers and enterpreneurs.

Once after long conversation with my collegues trainers I got new idea which I completed in new unique program.

During first version of the course participants could learn some basic theory about emotional competence and what is most important – to fwwel and practice tools and techniques of EI development.

Step by step they explored different areas of EI – from self awareness till relations management. And all this – in the training aspect. What tips and exersices we can use to let trainer be more emotionally prepared for training? How to create safe and open atmosphere among participants? How to notice different moods of participants and how to manage emotional-energetic conditions of participants?

All of these questions have found answers and a lot of other answers are waiting for you during 2 days version of the program! See you there J

AWAKE!

Let the sun illuminate parts of you that are dormant, numb, or forgotten. Rub the sleep from your eyes and welcome the new dawn.

When one awakens and realizes the true state of affairs there is no interruption of experience. It is not that something that was not there is now manifest. It is more like becoming cognizant of the presence of something that has always been there and known to be there, but forgotten.

A large part of our identities have been sculpted by our parents, teachers, friends, and how we want others to see us. We have carried this as our reference point of who we are; the person we normally take ourselves to be - preoccupied with its goals, fears, desires, and issues.

Beneath the surface is a deep and vast authentic Self, but its presence is usually veiled by the noise of the smaller 'I' with its needs and demands. This confusion between the small self and larger Self is the core illusion of the human condition, and penetrating this mirage is what awakening is all about.

Before recognizing greater realities that are more extensive and multidimensional, it is a good idea to first learn to handle our energy and be accountable for the concrete results of our thoughts and emotions. Because, as we awaken, they automatically and immediately are translated into action.

For us to successfully create a new paradigm world in the midst of the current planetary chaos, we must discover a more light filled and inclusive approach to everyday life. By deep listening and acting on what feels like intuition, we can correct and refine our alignment to the instinctual impulses of our soul.

InnerLinks Angel®

Awareness in questioning!

Long time passed since I wrote last time here, and today I want to tell you one idea about practical application of EI to our everyday communication.

It goes from mmy experience which I had in my last business trip for leadership training with one big company. During module about challenging techniques in communication I explained idea about asking chllenging questions which help both sides to undestand deeply topic they discuss . Participants were practising in asking challenging questions which are actually are open questions instead of closing.

It was interesting to note how difficult for people to ask questions instead of hiding their assumptions under questions. How often they use form of questions only to pass their message instead of passing it directly. And how they react when don’t get unexpected ansers J

You can ask me – Whats the connection with EI skills?

In one of my posts I told you about different levels of communication – and here in the questioning we also can see all levels: verbal, paraverbal, non-verbal and emotional.

The emotional level here connects with our intention while asking other person: do we want to convince him that our point of you is the best  or we want really to find out more information about topic?  Do we want to challenge our partner and ouselves in the topic? Do we want to give support ?

It was interesting to note how different is reaction on the question which depends on the intention of asking person. Even if questiion formulated very correctly, open and polite, person can react back agressively or defensevely if asking person hide original intention.

The secon aspect here is that we can formulate good questions but they will not bring us a full or specific answer. And also I saw interesting result when person ask something and don’t satisfy by answer.

I started to think what can be usefull tip to formulate good helpful question? And I was surprised by the simple way of doing it. Just ask yourself – “What I really want to know or find out?” – and you will see how you start answer  ”I want to know what is…. Or where…. Or how….” And you will immidiately formulate BEST question J

And its interesting to notice that when you make a lot of efforts in formulating good questions and it does not work – just to ask this simple Q to yourself and you will get perfect formulation  of the question.

And this phenomen goes from low self-awareness of real interest when we ask question. We don’t really aware  what we want to learn out from asking question. If you develop this simple self-awareness aspect of asking Q you will see results immidiately – how easy and specific will your communication be J

So,next time you want to ask question for someone – ask first yourself: “What I really want to know??” and use answer wich goes in your mind as question to ask J Paradox? – Yes! But very usefull one J

Charlie Chaplin's speach on his 70th birthday.... Must read!!!

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY“.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me.
Today I call it “RESPECT“.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “Maturity“.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE“.

As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm.
Today I call it “SIMPLICITY“.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.
Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF“.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time.
Today I discovered that is “MODESTY“.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening.

Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT“.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally.
Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART“.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.
Today I know THAT IS “LIFE“!

Just like it....

"Instead of giving themselves the right to be imperfect and suffer from emotional wounds, the majority of people continue to blame others, including their reasons for their fear, anger and sadness.

That's why so many peopleare going through negative emotions , and emotions , in turn ,cause all sorts of diseases .

But these emotions can be used for the benefit of:
Fear helps you understand what you need to protect and look for her. He recalls that this protection should be sought in myself.

Anger is useful in that helps you find your need for self-affirmation, to articulate their demands and take a closer listen to their needs.

Grief helps you to understand that you are suffering from feelings of loss or fear to lose. Grief teaches man not to become attached.

Love yourself - it means to be responsible  for our lives and give ourselves the right to exercise this responsibility. "